Carnoflage (2025)
“Carnoflage” is a series that feels like the truest expression of myself, a dissection of my place of origin fitted together with the person that I have become. Though not necessarily the visual outcome, the thematic basis of this series lies in the emotional experience of growing up in rural America. Among the vacant fields and forests, sensitive issues such as mental illnesses were never given the attention to be understood, and with my anomalous mind, I was never able to understand the ways in which I was not functioning properly. Without being aware of my deviations from “normal” society, and rural culture, I lived through childhood and adolescence with an indiscernible wall up between myself and others, and life was rather lonely and isolated. There was no space to reflect upon or to express myself, and so nothing had the potential to get any better. It was not until leaving this environment that I was able to achieve a sense of actualization. However, this experience will never leave me, and the lonesome country winters and sheaths of pink camouflage will always be a part of my construction. In visualizing these memories, I decided to not necessarily depict them in a literal way, but to reference certain imagery and concepts and create compositions around them. Some pieces lean more into the cold masculinity of hunting culture, whereas others appear more softly feminine. The binary here is reflective of the rejection of femininity and womanhood that I faced growing up, and through reclaiming this with hyper-feminine colors and childish drawings of animals, paired with the factory sterility of silk screen prints and trailcam imagery, I have been able to quite literally paint the picture of myself within this duality. Though I am proud to be a woman, I have always adopted an air of androgyny, both in the sense of a masculine defense and in the fact that I have never felt as though I quite fit in with female culture, despite having lived it. As much as I may appreciate and enjoy it, I am an imposter within it. I have always been fascinated with the concept of pink camouflage; a very masculine material made traditionally “girly”, as if to say “here, this one’s for you”. Though this pattern does not actually appear within my series, the concept of it was an inspiration. I took a lot of visual inspiration from hunting and farming culture, through the use of camouflage, trailcam imagery, and the animals which are commonly targeted in these areas. These animals each have certain emotional connotations. Deer are creatures of fear, here to be stalked and hunted, shivering with anxiety. Despite this, they remain determined and delicate. Hunting and fighting dogs do not mean to be violent, though through their nurtured environments, they are full of rage, biting the hands that once fed them poison. Rabbits and lambs are soft and beautiful, kept in small cages or bred for meat. Cows are exploited in their maternity and for their flesh, bodies modified. I feel close to these animals, through their embodiments of fear, anger, and resilience. I have empathy for these animals that are misunderstood, comparing myself to them visually, both predator and prey. I embody all of these extremes: rage, terror, and a violent lust for life. To escape the ways that the world keeps me down, I must hold the same desperate determination as an animal gnawing off its leg to escape a trap. In this series, I have also explored a variety of materials, such as additively sewing on repurposed scraps of fabric, silk screen printing, colored pencils, screw-on spikes, and spray paint. This is referential to the DIY ethos that can be found in my past and in my present. For example, sewn-on patches can be found in a variety of spaces for a variety of reasons; used for utility by a farmer to cover a hole in a pair of work jeans, or used in several alternative subcultures for the expression of preferences or ideals. I have also taken visual inspiration from these subcultures that I participate in, such as the customization of clothing, and body modification through piercings and tattoos, which I equate to the branding and tagging of cattle. All of this experimentation with materials, subject matter, and composition has allowed for me to dissect the ways in which images are read, and stretch the limits of what can be reached through a visual. Though this series is conceptually quite dense, I have enjoyed experimenting with the aesthetic limits of it as well. I have also continued my exploration of digital distortion within a physical medium, which is evident through the use of color manipulation and layering. I hope to continue this series through a variety of mediums, as I have found it to be the most true-to-me art that I have made thus far. Though I have grown up with the intention to move on from my past and to never look back, I have found it very freeing to embrace the place that I come from, and view it through an appreciative lens. Though I myself do not identify with rural culture, it is something that I understand the goods and faults of, and hope to approach with a critical respect.
Viewfinder (2024-2025)
“Viewfinder” is a series that I created in an attempt to capture a number of visual and conceptual interests that I have wanted to explore. As I had previously attempted in the “Culture/Subculture” series, I wanted to push the limits of accidental digital distortion in a slow, intentional physical medium. Bridging the gap between physical and digital media, I utilized effects such as pixelization (a fascinating means of obscuring and censoring), the horizontal banding that occurs in VHS tapes, and different types of color distortion. Color can be distorted through the simple technological inability of a camera to capture reality accurately, or through heavy manipulation, rendering an image that maintains fields of value, but in exaggerated hues. In a similar manner to my previous experiments with distortion, I find that choosing to portray these digital phenomena in paintings garners a new appreciative perspective. Additionally, given the experimental nature of this series, I applied a few new technical approaches to my work. With highly saturated underpaintings beneath a thin layer of pixels, the colors beneath show through the gaps that are produced through human error. On thick charcoal paper with a horizontally lined texture, I was able to produce a similar effect to images filmed on tape. Though it is a process that I am still actively learning my way around, I used silk screen printing in order to add (accidentally, but thematically) distorted text to a few compositions. I also wanted to experiment with the space that the subjects exist within. The environment, or lack thereof, will affect the way in which an image is read. In planning some of these pieces, I used visual references to sketchbooks, as a collection of imagery within one composition within an irrelevant space. There is little interaction between the subjects and their environment, as if they have been placed there as decoration. I also referenced ideas such as pinup centerfolds, collaging, and personal notebooks, with the use of erratically handwritten text. Another aspect of this series that was somewhat difficult was the several instances of self-portraiture. This ties into the overarching theme of sexual exploitation. This series came from my anger with the exploitation of women, both from lived experience and from what I have observed externally. In an obvious example, the pornography industry is one which has preyed on women since its conception. There is a sort of strange overlap between violence and sexuality in the human psyche; this is undeniable. In the dark underbelly of extreme cinema, there exists a niche genre of horror that feeds on this overlap, exploiting our morbid curiosity with elements of pornography and gore. While there tragically exists real-world instances of murder on tape, filmmakers have attempted to simulate this experience, in varying degrees of artistic success. In some specific instances, however, “actresses” involved in these films have faced varying degrees of abuse, and the resulting graphic media may be much more real than it is presented as. I have depicted a frame of one such film in the portrait of an anonymous actress. This appears in “Secret Room Basement Wall (For Angela and the Liars by Omission)”. The text in this piece is from the murder report of another actress that worked beneath the same filmmaker. It is a disturbing industry, one which upsets me greatly in the ways in which women are deemed expendable. However, at the risk of reinforcing the objectification of the female form, I find it to be a reclaiming experience of my own femininity and sexual autonomy to depict myself in this way. Each representation of my body is distorted in some way, and my face is obscured. The fact that it is self-portraiture is irrelevant, as this could be anyone - it is merely a body with an interchangeable identity. Perhaps this makes it relatable, perhaps it becomes objectifying self-exploitation. This is up for the viewer to decide. Regardless of interpretation, it was an empowering experience. This series is also about vulnerability, the nakedness of facing one’s sexuality and the intense trust that comes with sharing it. Though perhaps, without this vulnerability, there is a strange detachment to human touch, and human connection. When this sort of exposed trust becomes exploited in itself, a person becomes a ghost of what they are meant to be. If sexuality is reduced to the identity-less image of the exploited, exposed female form, there is nothing human about it.
Culture/Subculture (2024)
This series is an exploration of my fascination with visual aesthetics based on a variety of forms of media, inspired in part by the dogme 95 movement in filmmaking. Through the rejection of big-budget technology and post-production effects, this movement emphasized the artistic role of the director, prioritizing truth and authenticity over overproduction. This would often result in a product with a rather amateur appearance, towing the line between home movie and art film. With my own background in both filmmaking and painting, I have been trying to find ways of combining the two mediums. Through the years, I have developed an obsession with the concept of the personal digital camera, with its easy accessibility, voyeuristic nature, and iconographic nostalgia. Technically speaking, I have aimed to emulate the appearance of low-quality photography through the medium of acrylic paint. In regards to subject matter, I have been inspired by media such as amateur digital photography, vhs tapes, home movies, found footage horror, internet pop-up ads, magazine spreads, internet meme culture, pornographic advertisement - even snuff films. These things allow us to participate in personal lives and cultural niches that we would not otherwise experience; some which exist on the fringe of morality, while others are safe in the unassuming realm of mundanity. To me, these serve as a sort of contemporary anthropology, which I am both celebratory and critical of. I kept in mind juxtapositions such as appreciation and objectification. Painting is a medium with intense levels of premeditation and intentionality. One work, one frame, takes hours to plan and complete. Photography and film, on the other hand, can capture frames entirely on accident, in a matter of seconds. Painting, as an artistic medium, carries with it a sort of “elitism”, which I aim to use to my advantage here. “Elevating” forms of art that are considered “lower” (or not art at all) forces one to view the subject from a new perspective, considering an appreciation for it. I aimed to depict things “undeserving” of depiction, such as my inclusion of digital artifacts, glitches, distortions, and text. A large part of this project was the process of gathering reference photos. Using my old, cheap digital point and shoot, I documented myself and a number of my friends in environments that captured my narratives. With blinding overexposure, I looked to paparazzi imagery, alternative subcultures, personal home movies, and late-night parties. There were several others that were not developed into paintings, but I greatly enjoyed the process of involving photography with my art. It is so easy to capture our own personal lives with the development of the point and shoot. The resulting media is deeply intimate, potentially exploitative, vulnerable, and voyeuristic. I am endlessly fascinated.
Personal Spaces (2023-2024)
The “Personal Spaces” series is a collection of filmic still lifes that capture archetypal personal belongings and private spaces. These are cluttered, voyeuristic scenes that depict portraiture through the use of objects. These still lifes hold narratives that are vague, yet familiar, featuring the universal experiences and emotions of adolescence, young adulthood, innocence, secrecy, and immorality. Through subject matter, color schemes, and rhetorical imagery, this series aesthetically references several periodic and cultural phenomena, alluding to the nature of pseudo-luxury, self-indulgence, naivete, and identity through materialism. Through objects and their placements, one is given a fascinating look into the secret inner world of an individual, especially in spaces that are vulnerable and intimate. In growing up as a woman, these spaces and belongings have always been rather important to one’s identity, in ways both sacred and materialistic; a value that has been instilled by the commodification of identity. Regardless, there still remains a sort of fascination by the narratives that objects can reveal, as well as our collective obsession with them. These compositions are exaggerated from reality; theatrical and posed, as if the objects are on display, or perhaps aggressively forced open into our view. The locations portrayed here are often extremely intimate and personally sacred: the stowed-away contents of one’s purse, an opened suitcase filled with intimate apparel, a child’s innocent belongings. These personal displays are valuable because of the relationships that we have developed with them. To an outsider, they may be cheap, sleazy, and materialistic. Our personal spaces reveal the aspects of us that are taboo and cast aside, yet universal and human.